All her perfect imperfections
by naomilovesgrey's
Summary: Aftermath of Jackson's confession on April's wedding. April chooses Matthew, leaving a miserable Jackson to deal with the repercussions of his actions all by himself. However, what happens if April shows up on his frontdoor on her wedding night? First fanfic, rated T for possible later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**hi guys! This is my very first fanfic! I hope you will enjoy it as much as I can enjoy the work of you guys! I am Dutch, so not a native. I apologize in advance for any language error! This might be turned into a multi-chapter story, so let me know what you think :)**

There she was. Right in front of him. In her eyes nothing but chaos, panic. He could also sense a hint of relief in her eyes, but he was not sure. He on his place, had a completely worn out look on his face. Regret was all that Jackson could feel, all that occupied him. The feeling of regret and shame almost ate him alive. The last few hours had been terrible. She had chosen him, Matthew. And he could have known. He should have known she was going to pick him. He did not blame her; it was his own damn fault that his timing was so off. He had been too late. The realization of his love for her hit him right before he was about to lose forever to him. It wasn't like he had denied it - his feelings for her. It was just that he did not realize it was love that he was feeling until he felt this suffocating panic almost grabbing him by the throat as soon as he saw her awaiting beautiful face turned to the audience of her wedding, anticipating everyone's approval. He just could not do it. As much as he wanted to, he could not let her give her the rest of her life to another man. It hit him like nothing else ever had, this urge to stop time, stop everything in order for her to finally know how he had felt for her all along. And now… Now she is someone else's and he is that guy that interrupted the wedding of his best friend. Or whatever they were. It was like Jackson was stuck. He could not also lose her as his friend, he needed her in his life, but Jackson also realized their friendship was now officially over. It would never be normal between them again. He had ruined it.  
Right after his confession, she had asked him – no, ordered him – to leave. The surprised look on her face turning into a furious one. "No. No, Jackson. Now you're telling me this? Get out! Get out!" she had yelled at him, pointing at the exit. Her eyes were fixated on the ceiling, unable to look into his green eyes any longer. He had followed her orders without any other word slipping from his mouth. He did not trust his mind, his common sense any longer. "Dammit Sloan," was what he whispered to himself as soon as he had left the building after walking down the aisle the opposite direction that April had a few minutes before. As soon as the fresh air hit his face, Jackson's mind was haunted by all the possible repercussions of his actions. It was at that moment that the ever-expanding feeling of regret and shame occupied his mind, his body, his everything. He had lost April. For good now. It wasn't too much longer when his sight started to get blurry and Jackson realized it were tears that were stinging in his eyes. Actual tears. However, he did not allow himself to let them leak out of his eyes just yet. Or ever. He did not deserve to cry over this. His loss was completely and totally attributable to himself. There was really no one else to blame. She had given him a chance before during the storm, a chance for them to turn their lives upside down and do the unexpected. To be together. But he had refused to believe her words, thinking that they were not real. April did not really love him, Jackson was convinced she didn't, as she had proven him that time and again by hurting him to such a deep extent, a place in his heart no one ever managed to come before. It was a desperate expression of self-protection as he referred to their relationship as something meaningless, 'a bang in a bathroom' as he had called it a few days after her confession. He was very well aware of the fact that his words would hurt her in such a way, that she would never think of him as more than a friend. If Jackson could make a one-way trip to the past, this moment would be the destination he would choose to go to. Then he wouldn't have had to interrupt her perfect wedding with her perfect guy. It was selfish, really – Jackson thought – to not want her to marry Matthew, a guy of which Jackson knew would be great for her. Maybe even better of a husband than Jackson could ever be. But it was a short flash of hope that shot through Jackson's mind as soon as he decided to stand up and say it. It was the hope that she still loved him in a way that she would never be able to love Matthew that drove him to this selfish action.  
But now, a few hours later, she was standing in front of his door. Her hair soaking wet, sticking to her rose colored cheeks. Traces of mascara marked her face and Jackson was not sure if she had been crying or if it was due to the rain. Her chest rising and falling rapidly, making Jackson guess that she had been running. All he could do was stare at the woman in front of him. It was the name of this woman that, whenever it passed Jackson's mind in the last few hours (which happened an awful lot), would cut right through his soul ever so painfully. He did not know what to feel, how to feel. The image in front of him created some kind of vacuum in his head. Everything just shut down. All he could do was stare, not being able to comprehend that she was actually physically there.  
"Jackson…" she breathed. Her voice was filled with worry, and he could feel her eyes starting to rake over his face. His broken, tired face. She reached her hand to palm the sacks underneath his eyes, but stopped halfway through, her hand floating in the dense air between them. Jackson struggled to think of something to say, but he simply couldn't.  
"I know this isn't the way it is supposed to be. Life, I mean. It is not supposed to be so complicated to decide, to know who you love. I was always told as a kid that you would know it when someone is the one. That it would be the one thing in life you would be most certain of. But I had to decide who to love at the moment you asked me whether I loved you or not. I could not do that, because… I chose to love Matthew a long time ago. But the thing is, you don't get to choose who you love. It doesn't work that way. As much as I wanted to love Matthew, I couldn't, I can't," she rambled. It was as if she wanted these words to leave her mouth as quickly as possible. Her voice was trembling, nevertheless, she sounded very convincing. Jackson tried to process her words, but he did not get the chance to do that properly as April continued a few moments later: 'Us. We. We are not supposed to be together, Jackson. We are too different. We hurt each other. We make bad decisions because of each other," she sighed. Jackson did not need to hear this, and for a moment he was considering to shut the door behind him, but his body was paralyzed by her words, her presence. He was not able to control his body, nor his mind, so he had no choice but to listen to what she was saying. "There is a very clear reason for that, and we have been denying that since forever. We've been denying that because we know how different we are and how a relationship between the two of us would just… It would just make no sense, but…" April took a step forward. Her warm breath hit the skin of Jackson's neck, causing him to shiver. He could feel a sense of longing taking him over instantly – however, his sense of rationality made him want to take a step back. April reached out to touch his cheek again. Right before her small hand was about to touch his rough, stubbly skin, it halted. April searched for any sign of approval in his eyes, and as soon as Jackson closed his eyelids, he felt the warmth of her soft skin caressing his cheek. He could not help but lean into her touch, wanting her affection to fill up this vacuum in his soul.  
"I do Jackson. I do love you. And I hate it, because it doesn't seem to go away, but I love you," April whispered, the confident tone in her voice of before suddenly disappearing. Her words sounded so extremely unreal to Jackson, heavenly. He had to open his eyes again to assure that she was indeed there, confessing her love to him. He needed to know that he wasn't just dreaming. As he opened his eyes, he was immediately confronted with the penetrating, desperate look in her hazel brown eyes. She was speaking the truth. He was absolutely sure she was. Jackson could not help but let his eyes flicker to her plump lips. All he wanted - all he needed was to taste those sweet lips again. Maybe then he would trust his senses again, maybe then Jackson would realize this was actually happening. Her whispering "it's okay, Jackson" was all he needed to let his lips collapse on hers.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Hey guys! Thank you so much for your sweet reviews! It really motivates me to continue writing. And yes, the title of this story is based on John Legend's song 'All of me', since a part of the lyrics really reminds me of Jackson's words in 10x12: 'Even the things I don't like, I love'. Personally, it was that part of his little speech that made me melt.  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the storylines created by the queen of Grey's land: Shonda Rhimes.**

Their kiss quickly turned into a messy, chaotic, sloppy one. It was as if both of the surgeons wanted to make up for lost time. Jackson felt an almost animalistic feeling of possessiveness taking him over, holding April even tighter against his body, his fingers digging into her side, making sure she would not just fall from his embrace. It was when April released his lips to start planting sloppy kisses along his jawline that Jackson was brought back to reality. It was her wedding night. Her wedding night that she was supposed to share with her perfect Christian paramedic. Now was her wedding night, and she was leaving mesmerizing kisses and occasional bites on the skin of his neck. It took all of Jackson's willpower to grab April softly by her arms and guide her back a little, creating enough space between them in order for him to think clearly. She had a quizzical expression in her eyes, her features displaying confusion and disappointment. Her hair nothing but a total mess.  
"You're married," Jackson stated softly, almost in an identical way as he did during the night of the storm. Only back then, he was stating the obvious. But now, Jackson was not sure. Did she get married after he left the ceremony? The thought of the possibility that she never actually said 'yes' to the paramedic had never crossed Jackson's mind. He was trying to make sense of the situation. April was with him now, not with Matthew. But what did that actually mean? She had just confessed her feelings to him, but what did that imply? The past had proven that April was far from predictable. After confessing her feelings to another man, it was the same April that nevertheless decided to stay true to her engagement to Matthew. Why would she not stay true to Matthew now? Jackson could literally feel his stomach constrict of the idea that this was April's way of saying goodbye to him for good. It would explain the hastiness of their kiss.  
April could read Jackson's face like no other person on this planet could. She was almost able to read his mind through the deep frown that tainted Jackson's features. She could sense that his green eyes were no longer actively looking at her. They were zoned out, meaning that he was internally struggling with himself. It was then that April realized what Jackson must be feeling right now: fear, confusion. Perhaps he was beating himself up over not asking her whether or not her last name was Taylor now sooner. April could no longer witness him being scared of falling into the miserable, wretched state he was in before she was standing in front of his door. Her hands flew to both sides of his face, her eyes almost demanding his to flash back to the present, to really look at her. She narrowed the space between them again as she took a firm step forward, not wanting him to doubt her certainty about this, or worse, to doubt the truth behind her following words:  
"I am with you. I am not going to leave you, Jackson. I did not get married to Matthew. It never happened, trust me. I never said yes. I couldn't." The frown on Jackson's face softened, but April could still clearly see worry haunting his eyes. April knew that he wanted more than words to believe her. She removed her right hand from his cheek and turned the bare back of her hand in front of his face.  
"You see?" she whispered, wiggling her fingers as he examined the bareness, the ring-freeness of her hand. Jackson reached to hold that same hand. His other free hand grabbed April's left one. They both looked down to the joined hands between them, as if it was a fragile piece of art, as if it could almost not be true. They stayed in a confortable silence for a few minutes until Jackson spoke up.  
"So what does this mean?" he asked, his eyes still fixated on their joined hands. April could feel his grip loosening, and she squeezed his hands in reassurance.  
"It means that I am yours if you want me to," April answered, her eyes leaving the sight of their joined hands to look at Jackson's face, hoping to meet his green eyes again. She wanted those words to leave her mouth as convincing as possible, but instead, she could not help but let this nagging feeling of uncertainty make her voice tremble. Jackson's tilted his head up, his eyes immediately meeting April's. The frown on his face had disappeared. Now it was his turn to convince her. He needed to convince her that he wanted her. He needed to convince her that he needed her. The only way he knew he could was by kissing her once again, but this time nothing but simple love and affection dominating it.  
"Of course, that's all I ever wanted," Jackson breathed after he released her lips. He rested his forehead against hers, his thumb grazing her soft chin. They both savored this moment, a moment in which nothing but pure relief and happiness ran through their bodies. They had each other now. They were complete.  
"Jackson…" April breathed, her voice barely above a whisper. This time her voice was filled with want and desire and Jackson instantly knew what he needed to do. He picked her up effortlessly, her legs locking themselves around his body, her arms embracing his neck, their eyes never leaving each other as he carried her wordlessly to his bedroom. They would live in their own perfect world for a few more hours before allowing themselves to worry about the real world and all its challenges that they would have to face when the light of the morning sun would announce a new day again. A real world in which their union would probably not be celebrated by most people. But right now that did not matter.

**Thanks for reading guys! I'll update soon :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Hey Guys! Thanks for the reviews! This is kind of a filler chapter, but there is more to come! Please let me know what you think :) I apologize once again in advance for any errors as English is not my native language. Oh and ofcourse a disclaimer: i do not own any of the characters or storylines of Grey's anatomy. **

Jackson watched her with full adoration as she inhaled deep breaths. Her sleeping figure displaying nothing but tranquility, peace. The dark curtains of his room did not allow much of the sun's early rays to illuminate his room, however, it was just enough for him to study her features closely. He loved every single thing about her. Her lips, her hair, the small freckles that covered her nose: Jackson concluded that she was the closest thing to perfection he knew and he felt a sense of pride wash over him as he realized that this amazing woman was lying in _his_ arms. Very softly and very carefully he started to trace random patterns on the white skin of her arm. He was afraid to wake her up, to pull her out of this peaceful dream world she was in now. Jackson pushed away his anxious feelings about how he would have to face his colleagues in just a few hours after everything that happened the day before: a day that was supposed to be a perfect day, a day that was meant to symbolize the love between April and Matthew from that day onwards. Instead, Jackson had turned it into an irreparable mess. He noticed that he did not feel sorry anymore - as much as he thought feeling apologetic seemed to fit the situation- he just could not feel any regrets for making a mess of yesterday anymore. Jackson felt slightly bad about this, but he did also credit himself for the fact that April's warm body was sleeping serenely in his arms. It seemed as if she had washed away any regret that had been eating him alive as soon as she showed up in his front door. He was extremely sure that she was right for him. He did not need anyone to prove that to him. However, that he was right for her was something he needed to prove to the rest of the world. To the rest of _her _world, including her parents – which, Jackson thought, might be a mission impossible.

Jackson could feel April's body starting to stir and a few seconds later, her hazel brown irises met his ocean green ones. April's lips curled up into a small smile. "Hi," she greeted him, her voice a typical morning voice: low and rough. "Hi," Jackson replied, a very evident smile on his face. April reached out to touch Jackson's face.

"Is this real?" she questioned, barely above a whisper, her thumb brushing over his beard. Jackson inhaled deeply.

"It is." April's happiness did not last long, a deep frown starting to form on her face ad the smile on her lips slowly faded away. Jackson could sense that she was scared as hell. Scared for all that was to come. He squeezed his eyes shut, not able to witness the misery on her face any longer, knowing that her distress was completely attributable to him.

"Stephanie," April breathed. It is then that Jackson's eyes shot open again. He had forgotten about her. Completely. Her name had not crossed his mind once since he had left the barn. Not _once. _Stephanie. The girl that was technically still his girlfriend, Stephanie. How the hell could he forget her? Jackson hung his head as he felt another rush of guilt cut through his bones. _You are a terrible person, Jackson Avery_ was the thought that went through his mind. All that had occupied him were the thoughts of April, of the damage he had caused her. Not once did it cross his mind that he had left a broken-hearted girl there in the barn after she had come to know that he had feelings for another woman in the least classy way. Stephanie, a girl he never even ever deserved. And if Jackson had to be completely honest with himself, he knew that she was falling for him right from the start of their relationship. And he knew he would never feel the same way for her in return. As painful and cruel as it may sound; she was nothing more than a mere distraction to him, a way for him to deal with this empty space in his heart that always had April's name on it. Stephanie had been a way for him to convince himself and others that he _could_ move on from the redhead. But mostly, to convince the redhead herself that she had not left him heartbroken as she did, that he was indifferent about her moving on as well. All of this was just one extreme form of denial; a denial that – as the process of refuting continued - Jackson had started to conceive as the truth. He started to believe the lie he was living in. He started to genuinely believe that he was over her until the reality hit him right in the face yesterday as the woman he loved, dressed in white, was about to commit herself to someone else.

"She deserved better," Jackson stated, his voice hoarse because of the sudden dryness of his throat.

"He deserved better," April mirrored Jackson's words, not permitting herself to think any longer about the miserable state that Matthew must be in since she left him at the altar, knowing that she might break down if she did. Jackson noticed April's gaze staring into the black mass of darkness in his room, and he figured that she was haunted by the same mortifying guilt as him.

"What did you mean by blessing?" Jackson asked, kind of out of the blue. Her eyes shot back at his.

"What?" she asked softly, clearly confused.

"Why did you want my blessing? I never quite understood why you said that." Jackson clarified.

"Because… because I wanted your blessing. I just… I wanted to be sure that you were okay with it. I wanted to be sure that… there was absolutely no chance of you and I together anymore. And the look on your face when you said I had it – your blessing… I was convinced. I was completely convinced that you and I were over for good," April explained, her voice low but firm, her hand travelling soothingly up and down Jackson's bare chest. Jackson pulled her closer and planted a soft kiss on top of her head.

"Let's go," Jackson proposed, as much as he never wanted to leave his bed. "We can do this," he affirmed. They needed to be at Seattle Grace in less than an hour. He felt April's head nod softly in agreement.

**Alright guys, just a few more days and we are finally over this stupid hiatus! Can't wait :o**


	4. Chapter 4

**OH. MY. GOD. FINALLY. Just… OH MY GOD. I am so extremely happy, honestly, Thursday's episode just made my week. So, I changed this chapter a little bit to try to stay as close to canon as possible. Here you go.**

"Jackson," April whispered while gazing at the road in front of them. Every minute, every second Jackson's car was getting closer to Seattle Grace Mercy West, and the realization of that made April want to just jump out of Jackson's SUV, right there and then, right in the middle of the highway. Jackson noticed April's pale complexion and the trembling hands that rested on her knees. Jackson grabbed April's left hand. It was extremely cold, he noticed, and he squeezed it lightly. He wanted to grab her face and tell her that everything was going to be okay, but he needed to keep his eyes fixed on the busy road before them.

"Can't we…" she continued, but her voice faltered as April realized that what she was about to say was completely ridiculous.

"What?" Jackson asked, tearing his gaze off of the road for a second just to look at the girl that was seated in his passenger seat. Suddenly, she seemed not as panicky anymore. Rather, her big eyes radiated relief, as she looked him shortly in the eye before Jackson had to focus on the road again.

"What?" Jackson asked again, curiosity now dripping from his voice.

"We could… I think we need a little more time Jackson," April stated vaguely.

"For what?" Jackson asked, not understanding where this was going.

"We need more time to be with each other without facing everyone that will hate us for being together," April explained. Jackson processed her words, but he still not quite understood what April exactly wanted to say.

"You mean… take a day off?" he questioned.

"No! I mean… what if we keep this a secret for just a little longer? We go to work, pretend that we're not together, just for a while until… until I think I am strong enough to deal with everything," April clarified. Of course she understood that this was no solution to the problem, but she needed more time to figure out how she would handle the repercussions of her leaving her fiancé at the altar in front of her colleagues, her friends, her family… "It will be good for us, Jackson," she added softly while placing her hand on top of his on the gear stick.

"Okay…" he agreed weakly. April heard the hesitation in his voice and sighed.

"This is not because I am not sure of my love for you Jackson, because I am. I am extremely sure of that. This is because I am not sure if I can handle the mess at work if we would out to our colleagues that we're together now. I mean, it will only make things more complicated for Matthew and Stephanie. It would be easier if we would just… not rub it in their faces, you know?" April's voice was hopeful, almost desperate, for Jackson to agree with her. It did make sense, to take it one step at a time. But Jackson just did not want to hide is love for April any longer. He had to do that for the last two years and now he just wanted to show everyone that he did love the neurotic redhead from the bottom of his heart… It just didn't feel right, but Jackson did understand that hiding their love for a little longer would be the best. Especially for her.

"You're right, we should keep it a secret for a little while longer," he finally agreed, watching April smile from his peripheral vision. He felt her lips on his cheek not much later, and all his doubts about this plan just faded away. She was the most important person in his life, and he wanted her to deal with this in a way that would not let her fall apart. If hiding their love was the solution – perhaps temporarily – then Jackson just had to go with it.

"Okay, so we should just pretend that we are awkwardly avoiding each other to make it credible," April said, only afterward realizing that this was not going to be as easy as it sounded.

"I think we'll get our fair share of awkwardness today, don't worry about that," Jackson said painfully. April chuckled in response.

"Yeah, this might be the most awkward day ever." She heard Jackson sigh deeply in response as his car suddenly halted.

"We're there," he stated.

* * *

"Ah, look who's here. The wedding wrecker! You came!" Christina greeted Jackson gleefully as she bumped her elbow to his side. Jackson just rolled his eyes in response as he went through some of the patient files for post-op checkups while standing at the pit. He was in the hospital for no longer than ten minutes, and he already wanted this day to be over with as soon as possible.

"Jackson, you're here," Meredith stated disbelievingly as she went to stand beside Christina. Her voice however, was not as gleeful as her best friend's was, rather Meredith sounded pitiful.

"Yes, I am here. How is that surprising? I have got patients that are my responsibility, of course I am here," Jackson slammed one of his patient's file against the counter as frustration took over.

"Take it easy, big boy," Christina said as she took a few steps away from the plastic surgeon. Meredith just laid a hand on top of Jackson's shoulder comfortingly.

"I think you are an ass for what you did, but I also think it was very brave. And coming here today was very brave as well. You know what happened after you left, right?" Meredith questioned, her voice in a whisper as she asked him that question.

"Yeah, I know," Jackson answered, his eyes fixed on the floor. He was already stuck on what to say next. But he had no choice than to lie. "But I haven't seen her since… since then," he continued, trying his hardest for those words to come across credulously. Meredith again looked at him with a pitiful expression in her eyes.

"She will come around," Meredith assured him before leaving the pit with Christina by her side. Jackson watched the two leave before taking a deep breath and refocusing on his work.

* * *

Everywhere April went, she heard people starting to whisper and stare at her indiscreetly. She knew this was going to happen, still it felt terrible. So far, she hadn't seen Matthew nor Stephanie, so she comforted herself with the idea that things could've been worse. However, passing by Jackson was a reoccurring happening today and she felt as if she was being punished by karma for her own stupid idea to keep them a secret – which seemed the best idea earlier when she fabricated it on her way to the hospital. April was a very bad actor and an even worse liar, and she was surprised about how everyone has been buying their act so far. Jackson just kept his gaze off of her whenever they would walk past each other. April was impressed about his acting skills. April decided to hide in one of the laboratories after she was done with her rounds of post-op check-ups. She was praying to God for any trauma to come in so that she could hide in the OR instead.

"April!" she heard a familiar voice exclaim.

"Hi, Arizona!" April greeted back. She had a lot to explain to the ped-surgeon that was, next to Jackson, the best friend she had in this hospital. Also, she probably had a lot to thank the blonde for as well, considering that she had to deal with the mess in the barn after April had left. Arizona took a seat next to her, her eyes almost not believing that the redhead was actually here.

"I expected you to… take a day off," Arizona began, still looking at April as if she was a fragile house of cards that could fall apart any moment.

"No, I just wanted to… I just needed to go to work," April explained.

"There's a lot of practical stuff that we need to talk about, but first: how are you feeling?"

"As if I am the gossip of the day," April tried to joke.

"Well, you kind of are," Arizona confirmed with a light chuckle.

"Hey, aren't you supposed to make me feel better?" April asked, bumping Arizona in the shoulder playfully.

"Alright! I just need to know: what happened after you left? I won't tell anyone if you don't want me to." April could clearly see the worry in Arizona's eyes, and then a wave of guilt hit April of the idea to lie to her friend. But she promised Jackson, and she should at least comply with her own idea.

"I… I went home. I just wanted to be alone," April replied, fixing her eyes back on the lens of the telescope while readjusting its definition. She just could not bring herself to look Arizona in the eye while lying about it.

"I understand," Arizona said while resting one hand on April's shoulder. "It must have been an incredibly though decision to leave, but if you did not love Matthew the way you believe you needed to, then you did the right thing April. It might not seem that way to you, but it was." April could feel her sight starting to get blurry because of the kind words of Arizona, and she could not just lie to her anymore. April tore her eyes away from the telescope and looked at her best female friend with moist eyes.

"I… I love him," April muttered, her voice trembling. Arizona immediately understood that it was Jackson that April was talking about. She engulfed the redhead in a tight hug.

"Then tell him," Arizona said simply as she let go of April. April took a deep, shaky breath before deciding to tell Arizona the truth. The whole truth.

"I went home, because I just did not think I deserved to be happy. I deserved to be alone and miserable and to regret what I did. But I just couldn't feel any regret of not marrying Matthew. All I could feel was regret of not telling Matthew sooner that I had feelings for another man. Because Jackson's words… they just went straight through every atom of my body and I just knew that no one would ever make me feel that way. And as soon as I realized that, I just wanted to be with him so badly. So I decided to go to his place… I decided I wanted to be with him," April explained. Arizona's face softened and a small, reassuring smile appeared on her face.

"We're together now, but we decided to keep it a secret… Because I thought it would be easier that way," April continued.

"And, is it?" Arizona asked.

"I don't know," April answered honestly.

**Soooo that was this chapter. Honestly, I am so extremely happy that we FINALLY got our Japril! That last scene was amazing! The first half of the episode I honestly feared that April walked out on Jackson and that they were actually avoiding each other, but then… I love this plot but I can imagine that it is extremely hard on the both of them. And poor Stephanie… **

**Leave a review if you can! I'll update asap. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys! Sorry for the late update, I had a pretty intense time at uni, but now I have a week off! The promo for Thursday's episode really inspired me to bring Catherine into the story. Here you go guys!**

Just one more hour. One more hour and Jackson's shift would be over and he would finally be able to escape this horrible atmosphere that had filled the hospital all day since his and April's arrival. Just one more day and Jackson could take April away from all the whispers and the stares he knew affected and haunted her way more than him. Just one more hour and he could take the red-headed love of his life home with him and comfort her and tell her he loved her for the umpteenth time until he was sure she was relaxed again.

"Dr. Avery," a low voice greeted him as Jackson just exited a supply closet.

"Dr. Webber, I –" Jackson wanted to greet the older surgeon back, but was interjected immediately. Webber placed his hands on Jackson's shoulders and squeezed them firmly, the look in his eyes alarming.

"Catherine is coming tomorrow. And she is going to kill me _and _you if she finds out about the wedding from someone else… You have to tell her Jackson, before tomorrow, or otherwise I have to do it," Webber explained quickly as he let go of Jackson. The alarming look in the older surgeon's eyes now made way for a more pleading look. Jackson started to panic. He had not yet figured out how to tell his mom about him and April, but he assumed to at least have more time to think about it. About all of it. He knew he couldn't tell his mom half of the truth; he would need to tell her all of it, which meant that he had to break his promise to April… How was he supposed to deal with all of the obstacles in their relationship if he could not even stay true to a promise he made to her not even 12 hours ago?

"Richard, please, I need more time… Can't you just… Can't we just hope that she doesn't hear anything from anyone tomorrow? I will tell her, I promise, but I need more time," Jackson answered, his voice filled with desperateness. Richard Webber sighed in response.

"Jackson, she _will_ find out about it. It is Catherine Avery we are talking about. She senses a rumor about her son from a mile away," the older surgeon whispered slowly, reluctance to reject Jackson's request dripping from his voice. As much as he wanted to give the younger and very distraught surgeon before him more time, he just couldn't. Jackson sighed in defeat, knowing that Richard was right. Of course his mom would find out. She always does.

"Just call her, I am sure she will understand," the ex-chief suggested, patting Jackson's shoulder in encouragement before turning on his heels and walking away. Jackson's eyes followed the older surgeon until he was out of sight. Jackson felt a very evident frown forming on his face (his _angry face_ as Stephanie had called it) as he thought about what was just advised to him. Jackson realized he had to tell his mom at one point, so he might as well just rip the band aid off to get it over with. He slid his hands in the pockets of his scrubs, looking for his phone. Jackson inwardly cursed as he remembered that he left his phone in the locker room. Jackson jogged towards the elevator, but was stopped abruptly when his right arm was grabbed by two strong hands that violently jerked him backwards. Jackson wanted to turn around to see what idiot was stalling him.

"What the-" Jackson blurted out, but before he could finish his rant, his right cheek was met with a hard fist. Jackson fell backwards against the wall next to the elevator as one of his hands flew protectively to the injured cheek. Jackson squeezed his eyes shut in pain as he felt a dizziness curse through his brains. As he opened his eyes again, Jackson was confronted with the man that had hit him. The same man grinned down at him victoriously as he approached Jackson slowly and impedingly. Jackson saw the man pulling his fist back again, positioning it to strike again. Jackson squeezed his eyes shut, expecting to receive another hit on his cheek, but a very familiar voice stopped this from happening.

"Matthew! Stop!" April shrieked as she grabbed her ex-fiancé's fist and pulled it backwards. Other people now also witnessed the scenery and rushed towards the injured Jackson and the enraged Matthew.

Matthew tried to escape the tiny surgeon's grip, but she was stronger than he expected.

"Let go of me!" he ordered her, looking her in the eye for the first time since she had left him at the altar. As soon as April saw the broken and lost look in his reddened and tired eyes, she could not but break herself, feeling guilt rush through her so violently, she was no longer able to hold the pediatric back. April stumbled back as she saw Matthew striding towards Jackson again, blinded by anger, sadness and jealousy. April felt tears making their way down her cheek as she realized that the enraged man before her, the man that was dominated by nothing but anger, was the product of her decision to be with Jackson. It was her fault he was like this. He wasn't used to be like this before. She made him this way. Before Matthew could hit his target once more, he was stopped by Alex and Shane. When April witnessed Matthew fighting their grip as if his life depended on it, it all became too much. She could not handle seeing this anymore. Before April could turn on her heels to run away from the heart-breaking scene, she heard her ex-fiancé's bellow resonate through the hallway. "I hate you April! You ruined my life! You ruined everything!" It was as if his words burned through her skin and pierced right through her heart. It made her feel sick. Sick of herself. "I know," April whispered in response before she sprinted to the nearest on-call room.

April had been staring at the top bunk for half an hour, but she couldn't stop Matthew's words from echoing through her thoughts. _You ruined everything_. She felt sadness overwhelm her entire body. What had she done? _I hate you April. _She never wanted to hurt Matthew, but she knew she would never love him the way she loves Jackson. But she loved him enough to be content with the idea of being his future wife, otherwise she wouldn't have been able to live in her imaginary world in which Jackson was just a mistake she made in the past and Matthew was the right thing to do for her future. A world in which her feelings for Jackson did not go beyond friendship and were purely platonic. April sincerely believed in this imaginary reality, otherwise she would never have said 'yes' to the extraordinary proposal of the clumsy pediatric. She never consciously meant to enter an engagement that was bound to fall apart, that was not like her. She would never consciously hurt someone. Would she? Did she actually know who she was? April started to doubt every single thing about herself. But worse: she started to doubt her decisions. Was being with Jackson the right decision? Was it ethically acceptable for them to be in a relationship? April felt completely lost.

"April?" a soft and very familiar voice pulled her out of her thoughts.

"Jackson," April replied, her voice trembling. She shot up immediately and approached the injured plastic surgeon. She examined his black eye closely before tracing the hemorrhage softly with her index finger. Jackson hissed at the contact.

"Does it hurt badly? Did you get checked by Shepherd?" April asked him worriedly while pulling Jackson towards one of the bunks to sit down with her. Jackson chuckled softly, admiring her concern.

"I am fine, really April. He only hit once," he explained, trying to assure the worried redhead in front of him he was fine. "And, let's be honest here, I kind of deserved it." April could not help but smile a little at his attempt to make her feel better. April grabbed Jackson's hands and rested their joint hands in her lap. As she looked down at them, she tried to express in words what she had been feeling the last thirty minutes, but Jackson grabbed her chin and forced her to look up at him before she had a chance to do so.

"Listen, I know… I know you feel responsible for what happened there. And I wish you didn't have to see it. Matthew screamed things to you he shouldn't have –"

"He was right, Jackson! He hates me! And rightfully so. He does have a reason to hate me!" April interjected, her voice high-pitched.

"He does not hate you, okay? And he doesn't have a reason to hate you, because you did the right thing, April. It would have been so much worse if you had married him against your instincts, against your feelings. Because than you would have realized at some point in your marriage that he is not the one for you," Jackson said, his voice as convincing as possible, his eyes piercing through hers. Jackson moved both his hands to the sides of her face, his thumb lightly grazing her wet cheeks. "Please, April. Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for loving me," Jackson pleaded. April felt tears welling up in her eyes once more before she crashed her lips on his. Now she remembered again. All these reasons why she chose Jackson became clear to April again and she wondered how she could ever have doubted them, even if it was just for a few minutes. As she let go of Jackson's lips, she rested her forehead against his.

"I will, Jackson, I will."

**Thanks for reading guys! Please leave a review if you have time :). **


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